Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It isn’t your business…

I worry so much… along with all the other mothers in this world.  lol.  When Easton was born I cried for weeks that someone was going to steal him, all I could think was that he would never remember me.  I am sure Court thought I was going crazy, and I’m sure I probably was in a way….  After a few weeks that passed, and then I worried that he wasn’t growing enough, then that he was growing too much, then something else, and so on and so on…. 

Then came Ian, I cried for a week that someone was going to steal him, cried for a week that something was wrong with Easton because he seemed so different.  (Looking back all I can think is, lady calm down, breath, of course he was different, he just had the carpet pulled out from under him.)  The funny thing is Easton probably handled it better than me, ha ha. 

Then I worried whether I should put Easton in preschool, whether he would get along with the other kids, how would Ian react to him being gone….  This goes on and on, and the worries just change.  The thing is looking back I can laugh at myself, laugh at the worries, and see how everything has fallen into place better than I could have ever even imagined.  I wish we could take the things we worry about now and know just how to handle it, have the knowledge of the future to soothe the worry. 

This sounds a lot more in depth than I had planned, now looking back just from this moment to the start of this post, I can laugh….  Kristi my dear you are getting way to deep.  So be it.  This is how my mind works. 

We as parents, as friends, as sisters, as neighbors, as mothers, as family, as human beings, in each role we have worries.  The one that was on my mind this evening was one that is on my mind most days…  What people think of me, do they like me?  Do people get and accept me.  I worry and recount all that I have said during the day, the way I said it, the context I said it in….  Did it come across as I had really meant or did they take it wrong.  You see, I am a sarcastic, shy, talkative, weak, strong, right brained, left brained, creative, un-organized, clean, spiritual, line crosser, weird, average, normal girl.  You get, got… all that?

Do you like me?  Do you get me?  Do you accept  me for who and what I am?  Do you shun me for my weaknesses (many weaknesses.)  Do you judge me for my strengths. 

As I was recounting my day today, I was overwhelmed with these thoughts… 

Then something calmed me that I have heard from somewhere before but can’t recall exactly how they said it, or where I heard it.

“It isn’t your business if someone likes you or not.” 

Did you hear it, did you feel it, did it come across in the right context, ha ha. 

“It isn’t your business if someone likes you or not.”

All I need/can do, is to worry about trying my hardest, doing my best.  My best isn’t someone else's best.  So it is impossible for someone to measure me against any other yardstick than my own, and if they do guess what….  yes you know.

“It isn’t your business if someone likes you or not.”

Lately I haven’t been doing my best, giving my hundred and ten percent.  I’m going to though, you will see, no regrets.  I’m sayin it….  right now.  So from this moment on, here is to living, loving, giving, trying, succeeding, failing miserably, suffering, growing, learning, breathing, but most of all giving my all.

AND I’m going to stop worrying, or at least try to stop worrying about whether someone loves and accepts me for who and what I am cause guess what.

“It isn’t my business.” 

I tried Googling that quote, I wanted to know whether I made it up or if someone had actually said it,  it wouldn’t come up. 

Here is one that did come up though, and I thought it fit really well :

"It is not your business to succeed, but to do right. When you have done so the rest lies with god."
C.S. Lewis

Sorry for the book with no pictures, no pictures is boring….  Do you still like me?  ha ha Winking smile


Georgene said...

No, I love you!!! And I get you (mostof the time). Your pretty normal!!! (most of the time) Don't worry so much, easy for me to say not so much for me to do!!! Love you!

Janice {Run Far} said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. You are so amazing. i just love and miss your guts.

Kandice said...

I am a major worrier WAY bad ;)

I read a quote on facebook once that said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are”.

It is just getting past worrying about what others think....something I always have to work on!

You are a great person...very talented and sweet with 2 darling boys :)

Joie said...

Wow. Thanks for sharing Kristi. Internal dialogue is brutal. I can totally relate to being my own worst enemy and going into analysis paralysis over assuming what other people are thinking about me.

...and even though it's none of your business and I'm sure your intent wasn't to fish for compliments with this post, but I personally think your are brilliant and thoughtful. I sure wish I lived closer, so some of your amazingness could rub off on me. ;)

Nikki said...

Your funny.... I think people like you I have always thought out of the two of us people like you then they look at me and think so whats wrong with that girl lol. love ya!

Rob & Emily Willardson Family said...

I don't just like you... I JUST LOVE YOU!!! You are amazing~ (Why do we do this to ourselves)! I love this totally crack me up...and with you..what's not to love. You are simply terrific!

Lacy said...

I don't just like you, I love you! I think your, beautiful, kind, sweet, loving, a great mom, spriritual, but not a goody tushoe, worrier (like me), and funny. But this isn't any of your buisness.

So I'm just going to say that I did and do the same thing about reccounting everything I say and do and worrying about things I cannot control.
Love ya

Anonymous said...

Great post! Thanks for sharing!!

Katherine Vincent said...

I havent read what eveyone else posted, so I hope I am not repeting, and your reading the samething over and over. I think it is some times creepey how you and I are so much alike. I hope that is a good thing to hear, and not " Oh crap I never want to be comparied to you." You have always amazed me Kristi. I never would have thought all of this went thru your brain. You always seem like you have it handeled. You have always jugeled everything you do with grace and ease. You can make people feel very important. Your like a upper. I want to be around you just to get a hi. (Hope that came across right.) I have loved knowing you, and am so greatful that you are my freind. I think that you have nothing to worrie about. People love, love, love you. I am seeing it from the out side in, and I'm telling ya that is how it is.

tonandboys said...

Call me crazy, but the fact that you worry about what others think & feel is precisely why I love you so much. Besides the fact that I don't think all that worrying is simply based on what people think of you. I think you genuinely care about how you make others feel about themselves. You are an amazing person and the best kind of friend, and it is Because you care about what others are thinking and feeling...not in spite of it. Please don't change. I am SO grateful for your friendship.