I worry so much… along with all the other mothers in this world. lol. When Easton was born I cried for weeks that someone was going to steal him, all I could think was that he would never remember me. I am sure Court thought I was going crazy, and I’m sure I probably was in a way…. After a few weeks that passed, and then I worried that he wasn’t growing enough, then that he was growing too much, then something else, and so on and so on….
Then came Ian, I cried for a week that someone was going to steal him, cried for a week that something was wrong with Easton because he seemed so different. (Looking back all I can think is, lady calm down, breath, of course he was different, he just had the carpet pulled out from under him.) The funny thing is Easton probably handled it better than me, ha ha.
Then I worried whether I should put Easton in preschool, whether he would get along with the other kids, how would Ian react to him being gone…. This goes on and on, and the worries just change. The thing is looking back I can laugh at myself, laugh at the worries, and see how everything has fallen into place better than I could have ever even imagined. I wish we could take the things we worry about now and know just how to handle it, have the knowledge of the future to soothe the worry.
This sounds a lot more in depth than I had planned, now looking back just from this moment to the start of this post, I can laugh…. Kristi my dear you are getting way to deep. So be it. This is how my mind works.
We as parents, as friends, as sisters, as neighbors, as mothers, as family, as human beings, in each role we have worries. The one that was on my mind this evening was one that is on my mind most days… What people think of me, do they like me? Do people get and accept me. I worry and recount all that I have said during the day, the way I said it, the context I said it in…. Did it come across as I had really meant or did they take it wrong. You see, I am a sarcastic, shy, talkative, weak, strong, right brained, left brained, creative, un-organized, clean, spiritual, line crosser, weird, average, normal girl. You get, got… all that?
Do you like me? Do you get me? Do you accept me for who and what I am? Do you shun me for my weaknesses (many weaknesses.) Do you judge me for my strengths.
As I was recounting my day today, I was overwhelmed with these thoughts…
Then something calmed me that I have heard from somewhere before but can’t recall exactly how they said it, or where I heard it.
“It isn’t your business if someone likes you or not.”
Did you hear it, did you feel it, did it come across in the right context, ha ha.
“It isn’t your business if someone likes you or not.”
All I need/can do, is to worry about trying my hardest, doing my best. My best isn’t someone else's best. So it is impossible for someone to measure me against any other yardstick than my own, and if they do guess what…. yes you know.
“It isn’t your business if someone likes you or not.”
Lately I haven’t been doing my best, giving my hundred and ten percent. I’m going to though, you will see, no regrets. I’m sayin it…. right now. So from this moment on, here is to living, loving, giving, trying, succeeding, failing miserably, suffering, growing, learning, breathing, but most of all giving my all.
AND I’m going to stop worrying, or at least try to stop worrying about whether someone loves and accepts me for who and what I am cause guess what.
“It isn’t my business.”
I tried Googling that quote, I wanted to know whether I made it up or if someone had actually said it, it wouldn’t come up.
Here is one that did come up though, and I thought it fit really well :
"It is not your business to succeed, but to do right. When you have done so the rest lies with god."
— C.S. Lewis
Sorry for the book with no pictures, no pictures is boring…. Do you still like me? ha ha 
